It Doesn't Have To Be A Barbell

Yesterday I set a personal record for my bench press. While this might not seem like a big deal, I think it's a really HUGE deal considering that I've not used a barbell in over a year (aside from the last 3 weeks of my latest program). A couple of weeks ago I decided to join Kourtney Thomas and Jen Sinkler on their Bigness Project Early Coaching Program. Admittedly I didn't know what to expect, but I was completely open to what the next 14 weeks might bring. AND - BIGNESS. How could I ignore that part?

Yesterday started week 3. Listen, I'm no stranger to the barbell, but I've solely focused on improving my basic movement patterns with bodyweight exercises, dumbbells, and kettlebells. I even spend a lot of time crawling. I'm serious. Just ask my clients. This is also the same programming that I include for them at (em)POWERHOUSE Gym. We are building strength every single day, and barbells are just not in our repertoire... YET.

So back to my lift. I haven't had access to a spotter in the last two weeks, so I've been playing it uber safe on a couple of my lifts BUT THE WEIGHT HAS BEEN FLYING UP. (Note - Always have a spotter. Always.) Yesterday I had my spotter (finally) and I hit 155# on the bench press several times. Even when I was solely doing barbell training in the past I NEVER got more than 135 up off of my chest. I'm playing it cool in the video, but I WAS PUMPED. (pun intended).

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKCW8NtACuH/?taken-by=iamcoachfowler

During my Senior year of high school I was voted "Strongest Girl of 2001"at CHS in Chickasha, OK. (in case you're wondering - it's chick-uh-shay.) And that guy below? He was our "Strongest Guy of 2001". I got'chur back, Kyle.

kyle-and-meI was always very strong growing up. I was also much bigger than everybody else, so if I were going to be biggest girl in the group, I might as well embrace the iron and use it to my advantage. AT LEAST I had something that I could be confident in, right? Aside from school and softball, my confidence lacked in all other areas of my life. If you've been following me for a while, you might remember that I had my very first pair of "goal jeans" at the young age of 12. At 240lbs and 18 years old, bigness was all that I ever knew.

I also dabbled a lot with lifting while playing college softball. I was never the fastest, but you can bet that I wanted to out lift you if given the chance. Due to the nature of college sports and an increase in my activity level,  I actually lost a lot of that weight that I'd carried with me to college. I also discovered a love for running because the more miles that I tracked, the more pounds I would lose. I then took on marathon running after college, which then transitioned into endless elliptical workouts at the gym when I finally decided to be done with marathons. The duration of my 20s was seriously spent either on the asphalt, on a treadmill, or in the footprints of the elliptical machine.

Then LIFE happened at age 30. I got married, after that working out became less and less of a priority, and I slowly found thirty pounds that I'd lost somewhere along the way. When I decided that it was time to dial back in on movement, I discovered a local bootcamp that reignited my love for fitness. We used much lighter weights, but new knowledge on nutrition started to really change things up for me. I lost more weight, started a blog, quit my job as a high school teacher and coach, and now I own (em)POWERHOUSE Gym. (There's SOOOOO much more to that journey, and it can all be found right here, if you've got time for that.)

You see, my journey over the last 15 years has been pretty diverse.

fullsizerenderThis map has some roadblocks, and man oh man, my body has seen it all. But I didn't get to where I am without ALL OF THAT experience above. It took a lot of trial and error, a lot of experience, a lot of courage to say YES, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of burn, and a lot of heartache. Fitness is not always easy. I didn't always lift weights either. I had lots of other adventures  mixed in. And do you notice the trend? My story starts with lifting and bigness, but it also ends with lifting and bigness. That word has two completely different meanings from my start to my finish. Through 15 years I've embraced lot of different fitness avenues, but I've also taken on body love, compassion, and self image.

I want to clearly acknowledge a place for the barbell and for strength training, but I'm going to combat that idea with the notion that any movement at ANY level is powerful in its own right. I know this Bigness Project and its tempo training is changing my game, but because I allowed myself to build a strong foundation with bodyweight exercises and other accessories, I believe I came back to the barbell STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE.

The fitness industry has a lot of dogmatic ideas when it comes to movement. Now - when it comes to safety and form I DO think that there are some best practices to follow. However, if you're lifting a barbell or a dumbbell or a kettlebell or walking on a treadmill or killing it on the elliptical or shakin' ya thang in Zumba, then YOU my friend, are a force to be reckoned with. Commitment to movement is an amazing feat, and if you're just starting this fitness ride out, don't let dogmatic ideas intimidate you and keep you out of the game.

It doesn't have to be a barbell. It doesn't have to be a kettlebell. It doesn't have to be running. Maybe it IS a resistance band. Maybe it IS a long walk in the park. Maybe it IS a 5K. You'll navigate your own route, but don't let "the only way" be the reason that keeps you away. (Also note: if you've got specific aesthetic goals, then there are certainly some detailed ways to train to reach those goals (LIFT WEIGHTS!), but for an entry point, just start SOMEWHERE).

Find something that drives you. There's an entry point for every single person out there, and no matter what anyone says, there's a way to build strength for whatever path you choose. It doesn't have to be a barbell.

 

 

I Almost Had A 6 Pack

       

These pictures were taken just one year ago - February 2015. I was finishing up a strict nutrition regimen for a weight loss challenge, and I had dwindled down to a scale weight of 160LBS standing at 5'10". 

YOU GUYS - I had never, EVER seen this weight in my adult life, my teenage life, and honestly, I had already surpassed 160LBS by the time I was in 5th grade at 10 years old. 

In that picture I was focused. I was SO determined. And I was so proud of my "almost a 6 pack" abs. I had come a long way from 240 LBS. 

My weight loss journey has occurred in many phases - my college phase (losing the most weight), my running marathons phase (all throughout my 20s), and then my "ah-ha, nutrition matters" phase that started at age 30. 

I was obsessed in the pics above. I awoke every single day to step onto the scale, letting the number dictate how my day would go. I pinched my belly and frowned up my rolls. I constantly looked for reassurance from my wife on my physique. While her responses were always positive, my constant questioning for validation was a tad alarming. I was at my smallest weight since elementary school, and it still wasn't enough for me. 

Once the weigh-in was over for the weight loss challenge, I found myself addicted to the strictness and structure, but my willpower was wearing thin. When I allowed myself to indulge in sweets or less than healthy snacks, I completely and embarrassingly found myself bingeing on those foods. "I deserve this!" Following a binge, guilt would take over. It was a vicious cycle that left me terrified of food. 

I started seeing my extreme leanness disappear, and some of the weight started to appear back on the scale. 

Here's what I learned:

- for ME, strict regimens do not work. Yes, they yield physical results, but the mental ramifications are far too damaging afterward.  

- I'm thankful for the experience (hindsight is 20/20 lol), but going forward I know that mindset guidance is just as important as nutritional guidance. 

- there is certainly a place and a time for fat loss, but extreme measures do not serve ME well. 

- just because my willpower wears thin with strict regimens does not mean that I am any less disciplined. 

- white knuckling my way through nutritional methods leaves me feeling less powerful of my own decisions. 

- the faster I lose it, the faster it comes back.

- today I'm 175 LBS, and I'm wearing the same pant size that I did at that weigh-in 1 year ago. 

- not only am I physically stronger, but today I am mentally stronger in all aspects. 

Listen, last year I was chasing a number on the scale. I was VERY lean in those pictures, but I was NOT HAPPY. I was hungry. I was thirsty. I was living with a measuring cup in my purse. 

This year, I might be heavier on the scale (that I rarely EVER step on by the way), but my mindset has shifted. I have learned to love the skin that I am in, and I don't let a number define me. 

I don't have washboard abs, but I have strong quads, muscular arms, and a strong core to support my movement. I have the capability to grocery shop and know that while 90% of the shopping cart items are healthy, I'm not scared to allow the other 10%. 

I could easily look at those pictures above and want to be back in that lean body. But I don't. I strive for fat loss in a sustainable way, one that allows me to live my life outside of traveling Tupperware. I eat healthy. I exercise. I lift. But I'm not afraid of a cupcake. 

Today I feel powerful in the skin that I am in. I'm stronger than ever. I'm confident in my body and all that it does for me on the daily. Our bodies work SO hard for us!

No number on a scale can take any of that power away from you. It's yours for the taking! Go get it, 6 pack or not. 

Engage. Empower. Elevate. 

- coach fowler 

PS - yes, I constantly keep chapstick on my bathroom mirror. lolol 

         

The CliffsNotes On My Body

IMG_9293.jpg The other day I had to step on the scale, and if you know me or read my blogs, you're probably surprised that I still even have a scale in my house. I let go of "the number" on the scale a very long time ago, and I stopped letting the scale dictate my mood, meaning that I very RARELY weigh myself. I used the phrase "had to step on the scale" because I was actually inputting my baseline information into a spreadsheet to submit for the Strongest You Coaching Program that I'm participating in through Girls Gone Strong. Along with our weight, we also submitted body measurements and rated our levels of stress, sleep, energy, etc...

Surprisingly, I was pretty happy with the number. Happy in the fact that I endured the holidays eating chocolate and drinking wine and eating movie popcorn and STILL kept my body at the same weight that it was a few months prior. To be 100% honest, my pants fit better today than they did a few months ago. I actually stopped paying attention to the details in the food that I was eating. I stopped letting food control me. The only thing I really allowed myself to focus on was eating to 80% full, while prioritizing proteins and veggies first and still allowing myself indulgences along the way. That's it, folks. Moderation for the win! It seems to be working for ME.

So, back to the Strongest You (SY) Coaching Program that I'm involved in.

Yes, I am a certified personal trainer.

Yes, I've already been through a 60# weight loss transformation.

Yes, I write about fitness and nutrition.

So, why do I need to be coached? Well, coaches need coaches, too! I continuously strive to put myself in places where I am encouraged to grow and learn in the field of fitness and nutrition. I opted to join in on this group to get the very best mindset, nutrition, and fitness coaching tips from the lovely Jen Comas. There's a very diverse group of ladies within this SY Coaching group. We're all very different in our backgrounds and careers and life stories, but we all have one common underlying theme -  we're trying to find the best version of ourselves through mindset, body acceptance, nutritional habits, and fitness plans.

So just when I thought I was doing pretty good with self acceptance and body image and all of that jazz, Jen assigned a mindset challenge for us. The challenge was to watch a video featuring Kathryn Budig - well renowned yogi guru - as she hands out some honest talk about body image and her own experience in social media body shaming. It was, no doubt, life changing for me. Do you have 27 minutes? If so, click HERE to watch the video. It may resonate with you, and it may not. But for the love of all things regarding body image and self acceptance, find some quiet time, plug in some ear buds, and GO WATCH IT! Please. xo

Without giving the whole video away, here were a few of my favorite takeaways -

"I'm a girl that eats healthy, but I'm not afraid of cookies."

"We need to put weight into the words that we share."

"Jealousy will never serve you."

"The way we use our words is like casting a spell - they have power."

"When we step down from a challenge because we let our insecurities get the best of us, we give others permission to do the same." - WOW.

"I love this vessel, this vessel holds my soul."

"I call my body a meat suit."   ---> that might actually be my favorite line. EVER.

I don't want to give the entire video away because I think you owe it to yourself to watch it, but here's what happened at the very, very end. Kathryn challenged individuals to grab a sticky note to write something positive or something showing gratitude to a part of the body that needs some self love, then post the sticky note on that body part and share it with the world. We were encouraged (if we felt comfortable enough) to share this within our SY Coaching group.

At first I had a VERY difficult time trying to decide where to even put the sticky note. Topping out at 240# in high school left me with some battle scars. I am very uncomfortable with my softer belly. I dislike the stretch marks on my NON-giving-birth hips, I've always hated my breasts - they're never the same after a huge weight loss transformation. My feet have their own issues - I'm forced to get a pedicure every three weeks so that my lovely nail lady can take care of an ingrown toe nail problem on my right foot. I have a single hair that grows out of my chin! I am freckly and moley. I have dense muscles and it makes me feel uber "thick."

BUT WAIT.

The stretch marks on my body tell a story about my skin. They are a reminder of where I was, and where I've come in this weight loss transformation.

My feet? I may not have the best looking feet, but those feet allowed me to run for miles and miles in several half marathons and full marathons, and they were a catalyst to my weight loss journey. They've allowed me to see the world and all of its beauty. I should love these feet.

My freckles? They tell the story of my childhood and the years I spent in the sun playing on an old ball field that would eventually allow me to earn a college softball scholarship, another huge catalyst to my weight loss.

The chin hair? WHO EFFING CARES. Pluck it, be gone.

So, the assignment. {sigh}

I posted THIS photo in our group to complete our assignment. I chose to put the sticky note on my hips, and my self love phrase said "I love my hips. They don't lie."

cliffsnotes of my body II.jpg

Posting that to our private group was a scary thing, and it's even MORE scary posting this for all of you guys to see in my online community. It feels less safe, and it feels vulnerable. Some responses that I've articulated in my head include:

"She's too big to be posting a picture like that."

"Needs some abs before posting this."

"That stomach? Gross"

"What stomach?"

"If she were truly overweight, then I would understand the hesitancy."

"She can't even relate to being big anymore."

"She's not lean enough."

"Put your clothes on."

HERE IS WHAT I FINALLY DECIDED. What anyone says about my body is NOT MY BUSINESS. 

MY body, the way it looks, the way it feels, the way it operates, and the things it accomplishes, AND HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY BODY - THAT's my business. 

I opted for my hips and the side profile in the picture for my SY Coaching group because I was terrified to show my belly. That wasn't very authentic, and that wasn't the takeaway from the video. So, here you go.

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I'm authentically doing this to show you that self image issues among individuals do not discriminate. Damaged self image issues come in small framed bodies, big framed bodies, skinny bodies, strong bodies, obese bodies, female bodies, male bodies, and the list goes on - WE are all capable of experiencing a lack of self love which contributes to a negative self image. AND THAT is a scary reality, folks. But we - you - can change that.

I'm not posting the picture to say "hey, look at me, look at me, look at me."

Just.. NO.

I'm posting the picture to say, "My name is Stephanie, and I am guilty of shaming my own body. I did it when I was obese, and I mentally still do it now -even at the best shape in my life. Come with me. JOIN ME, and let's change the conversation together."

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That video? It changed me just a little. I cried a few times (the whole time) watching it. I needed to see it, and my guess is that if you struggle at all with self image, you might need to see it, too.

It was a POWERFUL thing for me. I honestly practice self love at my gym with my clients, and I TRULY abide by it verbally, but mentally I have given myself absolute anguish. No more, though.

Physically, mentally, and spiritually - this vessel is all that I have. It works EXTREMELY hard for me every single day, and I will now return the favor with self love.

These are all of the CliffsNotes that go on my body. They are the story of my skin, and they are the proof that I have lived, loved, and endured.

cliffsnotes of my body III.jpg

My words have power. I will choose words carefully to empower myself.

This was a game changer. Go give your body some love. You owe it to that meat suit! xo

Video link once again - right HERE. Please, PLEASE, please go watch it.

xo

Engage. Empower. Elevate.

#eeetribe

Coach Fowler

 

Don’t Drop the Cake in 2016

7U6B9065B.jpg A year or so ago I found myself running extremely behind as I was driving through some crazy traffic to get to work on time. Before I owned (em)POWERHOUSE Gym, I trained boot camp classes in the early morning hours and then served as a high school math teacher and softball coach for my “day job". The specific vehicle I was behind was moving at a considerably slower pace than I needed to be traveling in order to make it to work on time. Any teacher out there knows that it’s not easy to just hit the ground running, but that’s what my morning was about to look like if this guy didn't push the pedal to the metal. DIDN’T THIS GUY KNOW THAT HE WAS MAKING ME LATE?

I look back and laugh at that situation.

Maybe two weeks following this incident I was driving again, probably on the exact same highway, but THIS time I was driving much more careful and slower than normal because I was hauling a birthday cake in my backseat. You guys know exactly what that’s like –be it hauling a cake or transporting your dogs or traveling with a new bouquet of flowers – you have to be wicked careful or else the cake will drop, the dogs will slide all over the backseat, or your flowers will spill over and the leaking vase will quickly make a mess.

So I mean it when I say that I was driving SLOW to keep the backseat in order so not to mess up this pretty little birthday cake. But when I looked into my rear view mirror, a lifted truck was riding my bumper, and the car language (you know, like body language) was totally not cool. I could tell the guy was annoyed as I slowly took the curve around to merge onto the other highway, and my suspicions were right-on as he hightailed it past me once he got the opportunity. Geez. DIDN’T HE KNOW THAT I WAS HAULING A CAKE?

I’m laughing again. Are you getting my point here? In the first scenario – of course the slower car didn’t know that I was in a hurry. And of course it wasn’t the slower car’s fault that I was going to be late. IT WAS MY FAULT. I was the sole reason that I was going to be late. His slower driving status wasn’t helping my case, but if we get down to it, it was my own fault for not leaving my house when I needed to – not his. Same response goes for the guy riding my bumper. He had no idea that I was hauling a birthday cake, and maybe if he had he’d have cooled his temper a bit. Maybe, maybe not.

I want to illustrate to you that people navigate through their operating systems based on past experiences or current circumstances. Maybe the slower driver is a safe driver because he’s been a victim of a frightening car crash. Or even worse - MAYBE he’s lost a loved one in a car crash. Maybe THAT’S why he drives a little slower than I do. Maybe the what-seemed-to-be angry, faster driver was on his way to an emergency situation. Maybe he needed to be moving faster than I was allowing him.

After all of this happened, I found myself a little less judgmental on the roads. Now, let me be clear, there are still some pretty senseless drivers and there are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, people are inherently GOOD and are merely reacting to their current situation. When someone is driving slower than I’d like, I imagine they’re probably hauling some precious cargo in their vehicle. And for the opposite, I imagine they’re in a hurry to a pretty important situation. Neither of those things may be true, but at least it's a more peaceful, less stressful reaction.

Give a little grace in life’s day-to-day scenarios.

I think these scenarios go for those in the fitness industry, too. People are quick to judge others that aren’t doing things like us. Whether you’re a runner or a crossfitter or a powerlifter or a swimmer or a lover of the elliptical – it’s not our place to say that our way is the best way. Because is it really? Do we know that OUR way is the BEST way for Jane Doe? No, we don’t.

-Maybe Jane Doe stays at the gym elliptical because it doesn’t hurt her knees and she enjoys the quiet time to herself. I loathe the elliptical, but if Jane likes it and gets the results that she wants, then GO, JANE, GO!

-Maybe Jane Doe stays with her running group because she lost a lot of weight when training to run, and hitting the pavement makes her feel good. Get your 26.2, baby! I got mine!

-Maybe Jane Doe sits at home and chooses not to work out because she’s terrified of stepping into a gym for fear of embarrassment. I’ve personally always had the confidence to step inside of the gym, but I’ve certainly felt self-conscious or not good enough in plenty of athletic or fitness scenarios in my lifetime. It's a valid emotion.

Give grace. People operate based on past experiences and current situations. Once I truly understood this concept, even the communication piece in my marriage became much clearer to me. This notion goes for everything. Every. Thing.

For the most part, people engage in fitness activities that they enjoy. Do I think that some things are more effective than others? Certainly. But maybe my goals differ from others’ goals. And that’s fantastic, too. It’s important that people continue to inspire and continue to educate.

Give grace in the coming year. And for what it’s worth, don’t drop the cake in 2016 – even IF somebody is riding your bumper.

engage. empower. elevate.

#eeetribe

xo - Coach Fowler

Hang Up On The Cat Calls.

IMG_9150 The universe is stirring up a big pot of reflection for me. Have you ever felt that way? Like things are all happening at once, and you KNOW it’s for a reason? The last two weeks have been pretty peculiar, and after a considerable amount of reflection, I’d like to share what’s happened.

About two weeks ago I was grocery shopping solo in the middle of the afternoon. I don’t entirely enjoy the grocery shopping experience, but FOOD. Must have, right? As I was standing in the aisle that hosts trash bags and paper plates, 3 men slowly approached the same aisle and walked by me and my parked shopping cart. While two of those men continued to shop for their items, one of the men (probably late 20s, early 30s) uncomfortably stared at me with his dark, chilling eyes and made an inappropriate comment about my backside.

I will admit that I approach the world in a pretty confident manner. I have my insecurities just like anyone else, but for the most part, I know and feel that I am a strong individual, both mentally and physically. I’m independent and am completely okay doing things solo. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself. I’m not afraid to defend.

But I froze. I didn’t say a word to him. I simply shook my head in disgust, muttered something under my breath, and I left the area. I remember thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have worn my workout leggings to the grocery store. I remember thinking that I should have said something back to him. I remember feeling that I was the one that had done something wrong.

No. Just no.

I don’t scare very easily. (Okay, scary movies make me scream like a little biatch.) But otherwise, I’m not SCARED of situations. I left the aisle and moved on with a thousand thoughts running through my head. But when the same guy showed up in a random aisle over by the office supplies, I freaked out just a little bit. I nonchalantly moved on and headed to the checkout lanes. No kidding – he was in the checkout line two lanes down. I stayed self-aware, and for the first time ever, I honestly became a little nervous. Not crazy nervous though. Remember, it was still light outside in the middle of the afternoon. My only disadvantage was that my “exercise-always-looking-for-movement-self" parked what felt like FOREVER away from the exit doors. I instantly called my wife, and we stayed on the phone while I loaded groceries in record time and drove away from the parking lot. Luckily I never saw him leave the store, and I kept a close watch in my peripheral.

I reflected a lot on why I froze. Why didn’t I say something? WHY DID I QUESTION WHAT I WAS WEARING? Why did I make it my problem? I didn’t ask for trouble. Nobody ever asks for trouble. Trouble acts on its own.

I also contemplated my own strength and power. What if I’m ever in a position that I need to physically defend myself? I lift ALL of the weights and I think I’m pretty strong and powerful. But let me tell you something that I hate to admit - my wife can still hold me down with one arm. FARM GIRL is strong. It’s ridiculous and although it’s all in fun, I’m always annoyed that I can’t get out of that pin. That’s also kind of scary to me.

While my afterthoughts of the situation were ongoing, I was also coincidentally staying up to date on the happenings with Erin Brown and her I AM POWER Retreat. I first met Erin at the Radiance Retreat back in March, and then I had the life changing opportunity to hear her speak at the Women’s Fitness Summit this past August. She’s changing the dialogue about body image and women and power. She brings ALL the feelings and makes no apologies about it.

I AM POWER attendees were posting powerful videos of their learned self-defense tactics, and seeing those videos and how powerful and dominant they became in their roles was enough to bring me to tears. Copious power and confidence. Just reviewing those videos in my head makes me push my chest out a little further into the air. Triumph.

More irony here though. Keep reading…

So I was leaving a different store two days ago. By the way, why do I always feel like I’m buying food? Anyhow, I was pushing the cart to my car in the parking lot, and on the way I passed two guys. “Are you shopping alone?” And I responded without skipping a beat, “Yes, and I plan to keep it that way.” I rolled my eyes on the way to my car, hopped in, and drove off a little less nervous than the time before.

I am not saying that I was less nervous because of my reflection. I think this just merely had to do with the different approaches from the two scenarios. The guy from the first situation had cold, dark eyes. The guy from the second situation had an ornery smile. While I thought both of those cat-calling men were complete idiots, I acted entirely different in both situations. The first one left me feeling powerless and fearful. The second one left me feeling annoyed.

All of this has created a huge conversation piece in my head. I have never been assaulted, but I think about all of the statistics with assault, sexual assault, and domestic abuse, and I can’t begin to fathom how powerless those victims felt. And what if they still feel powerless?

If the statistics are true, then many of you reading this blog have been affected by some sort of sexual, physical, or domestic abuse. None of those subjects are a platform that I speak on, nor are they anything that I’m familiar with. But what that DOES tell me is that there are women around me every day that may have been affected in the same manner and possibly feeling powerless or scared in their own skin.

My platform is empowerment. I want you to feel capable and strong and empowered. So while this blog might not be fitness related – it’s necessary.

I don’t really know exactly how I want to end this piece. There were so many common pieces that kept pointing back to my grocery store situation. And while I don't have the best answer as to how to defend a cat call, I do want you to know about how powerless it made me feel, and how much I regret that I let it make me feel that way. I know that I never want an unwelcomed comment to make me feel that way again. And I never want a young girl or a woman to feel powerless due to unwelcome gestures. I want women to unveil their strengths, be it in the weight room or in their jobs or in their homes. We are all strong, and we are all worthy of respect.

Leggings are NOT a solicitation for a cat call. I want you to know that, too.

You are powerful. You just have to believe it. I believe. I hope you do, too.

Wake-up-feeling-strong-powerful-capable_daily-inspiration2

xo

engage. empower. elevate.

Coach Fowler

Comparison is Crap.

Last week I was nearing the end of a group workout, and as I was finishing a sprint to walk back inside for the remainder of the workout, I turned around to find my friend Shamon sitting on the curb outside. My first reaction was that she was hurt, and as I jogged over to her I immediately saw big alligator tears. Me: “Are you okay?”

She struggled to respond through the tears…

Shamon: “I can’t keep up with you guys. I’m not good enough.”

Oh no. SHE will finish. SHE is capable. SHE is enough. I, along with two other lovelies, grabbed her by the hand, pulled her up from the curb, and together we stayed outside to finish the workout. This gesture was nothing extraordinary in my mind – I simply stayed with her to let her know that she could make it to the end. AND SHE DID. Rather than comparing her speed to others, we focused on HER and HER alone, and she finished with a smile on her face. And tears. And more smiles. And more tears.

The response from Shamon, though, has been pretty remarkable. The next day she showed up with the most amazing thank-you card jam packed with warm, heartfelt, loving words. I ugly cried a time or two, and I’ve read it several times over and over in the last week. That simple moment (all of 3 minutes) was so impactful for two main reasons:

1- I sought out to prove to her that she was capable of finishing. AND SHE DID.

2- Her previous insecurity of COMPARISON has greatly diminished.

Comparison. Why do we all compare our personal progress to the progress of others around us? We compare houses and cars and physique and fitness capability. The list is endless. We mindlessly set ourselves into a trap of feeling that we’re not good enough when we constantly compare ourselves to other people. I see Shamon work hard every single day, whether I'm working out next to her or whether I'm training her in class. She’s currently on her very own weight loss journey. That particular day she was finishing last and struggling to keep up with the crowd, and naturally she became discouraged and wanted to give up. I’m a high school teacher and a coach, and motivating others is something that drives me. But little did I know that this particular gesture would offer such a significant return on investment.

Shamon Curb 1

I AM INSPIRED. I’m inspired to keep showing others that they, too, are capable of achieving anything they want. We have got to take our comparison tendencies and throw ‘em out! And look, I understand that it’s natural to compare progress. If I can do 5 chin-ups and the gal next to me can do 10 – the very act of comparison is right in front of my face. BUT – it’s what I choose to DO with that comparison that will either have a positive or negative effect on my mental mindset. If I tell myself that she’s better than I am because she can do more chin-ups than me, then I’ve set myself up for disappointment. RATHER, how about I let that number motivate me to work harder so that I can reach 10 pull-ups, too? That’s empowerment. That’s how it’s done.

If the act of comparing yourself to others keeps you from joining a gym, STOP IT. Join today.

If the act of comparing yourself to others keeps you from putting on a pair of shorts due to cellulite, STOP IT.  Wear ‘em today.

If the act of comparing yourself to others keeps you from sitting at a pool with your friends, STOP IT. Grab your sunblock and go!

These things take much practice. We've got to get to a point where we are okay with ourselves and the skin that we're in. That doesn't mean that you stop setting goals or become complacent. It just means that you LOVE and ACCEPT yourself, and the result of THAT yields confidence. When you're confident in yourself, comparison will eventually fade away. When you're confident, results start happening.

Comparison is crap. It hinders our abilities and mistreats our confidence. Possessing confidence will generate wings that help you SOAR. Fly high, baby – and leave that comparison at the door.

Engage. Empower. Elevate.  #EEEtribe

xo

Coach Fowler

That Scale - What a Jerk!

Just a few short months ago I would wake up each morning to empty my bladder, strip completely naked, and hesitantly (and with a light foot) step onto the scale. I’m laughing RIGHT now. The light foot thing is so true. Be vewwy gentle as you step onto the scale – it helps, right? The scale number for the morning would then dictate my mindset for the day. Even if I slept in socks (which is weird for me and rarely happens), I would take them off because I somehow thought it would make a difference. I would even move the scale to the OTHER side of the room to see if it responded differently.

You know what else? I always had a pretty good idea beforehand if I were going to be up or down before I ever stepped on the scale. I had that ritual of standing naked in the mirror and sucking my stomach in – this quickly indicated whether it was going to be a “skinny day” or a “fat day”. If I felt skinny, my weight was usually down. If I felt fat, then my weight was usually up. I got to know my body pretty well.

THIS scenario might happen. “I’m up 3 pounds today.”

This would suggest for me to amplify my workout, or maybe just say EFF it and have a cheat day… I’m already up, right? Mental mindset is negative.

I would sometimes leave to go to my early morning workout only to come back home and step on AGAIN to see if the number might go down.

OR this scenario might happen instead. “BAM! I’m down 3 pounds today!”

Mental mindset is totally positive. It might trigger me to stay strict for the day to continue on with “weight loss” or it might allow me the freedom to cheat that day because I’m already down with weight.

NONSENSE.

Weight can be such a foolish thing. As a society we are completely controlled by weight categories, and for a vast majority of people it can be a toxic hamster wheel.

Here’s the condensed version of what I have learned on my latest FAT loss journey: Weight loss and fat loss are two completely different things. Weight loss can be determined by WATER. I can easily lose 5-7 pounds in one week by sweating excessively during my workouts and eliminating foods that cause bloat. But THAT doesn’t mean that my body is ready to downsize to a smaller pair of jeans. No ma’am.

At my lowest weight I was in the 150s, but a more attainable weight for me was right at 165. At this weight I wear a size 8. I will be completely honest with you when I tell you that I have no idea as to what I weigh right now. I am probably in the 170s, but I really, really don’t know. I stopped stepping onto the scale when I started lifting more heavy weights. BECAUSE muscle.

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I started to struggle when I saw my weight going up. I was still wearing the same size 8, but naturally those jeans were really fitting dem quads. Again, BECAUSE muscle.

I noticed that even though I was still at my best physique EVAH, the scale was not where I wanted it to be. There was a defining moment with me, myself, and I alone in my bedroom where I decided that I would stop weighing myself. I was happy with my body, and I didn’t need a number to define that.

I still wear the same size. I pay attention to how my clothes fit. I’m VERY in tune to how my body reacts to foods. As much as I love some doughy bread, it doesn’t serve my body well. And honestly, neither does ice cream.

My body is changing. My jeans hug my quads. BECAUSE quadzilla, right? But I like it. I have to move up to a large in any swanky shirt that I buy because the mediums are too small for my DELTS. Seriously.

But I’ve gained body acceptance and confidence. And the scale was taking that away from me each and every day. I’m still getting stronger. I’m still working on physique and fat loss. But I don’t need a scale to measure those things.

Now don't get me wrong. The scale CAN be a tool used to measure a fat loss journey. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But I was using it as an obsessive tool to gauge my daily worth, and that wasn’t right for ME. Not anymore.

This took some practice, and it took a shift in my mindset about weight. If you're engaging in some of these toxic activities that dictate your daily worth all due to your WEIGHT, then you may want to consider ditching your scale, too!

So here’s to you, scale. You’re a jerk. I don’t need you. Okay BYE!

Engage. Empower. Elevate #EEEtribe

xo

Coach Fowler